It was the last straw. I sat out on the brick pile and looked out over the pasture and sobbed. Not sniffled, people. Ugly cried. .......and said naughty words in my head while thinking how much I hate everything. Everything.
The Hubs came out to me eventually and said, "This is the suckiest part about having animals, huh?" He's right, of course. Watching animals, especially babies, suffer and not knowing what to do to fix it is definitely the worst part of raising animals, but my breakdown was coming long before poor little Taz developed bloat.
I. am. tired.
I really, really love my job, but going back to nursing has definitely complicated an already full life. I'm not even close to having some sort of balance figured out. After a good cry and a long nap, though, I'm thinking I'll keep trying.....I don't actually hate everything. I might even kind of love some of it.
I love knowing we're raising high quality poultry for ourselves. The meat chicks are fully feathered now and have been moved out to the tractors. Last year we raised the typical conventional meat breed, Cornish cross, and decided they are gross and definitely not normal or healthy birds. This year we're raising Freedom Rangers and we're super excited about them. They are growing faster than the laying birds, but not in a freakish kind of way.
I love having fresh eggs from happy chickens. The new layer chicks are growing well and the turkeys are too. We realized this winter that we need to be a little more aggressive with culling the flock. Most of the winter we only got 1 egg a day, which isn't enough, and it's because our layers are too old. So, we will replace about half the flock each year. We are going to keep to just a couple of specific breeds each year as well so it's easy to know which ones are the ones that need to go. This year our chicks are Buff Orpingtons and Americanas.
I love watching babies grow. Annie, our bottle lamb, is so sweet and cute. She adores Bug, since she's usually the one feeding her and follows her around bleating. She's lonely without Taz, though, so I'm hoping we'll get another one to keep her company.
We got a new puppy this spring, too. Codi, is a border collie/lab mix and she's growing like crazy. She's very sweet too. She's been sleeping in the chicken coop so she learns chickens are part of her pack. It seems to be working quite well so far. Sophie loves having a playmate, which is the biggest reason we got her.
I love cooking up a dinner made with pork we raised. I love watching animals live good, clean, happy lives and knowing that they will provide us with healthy meat.
Our first pig went to butcher a month ago and provided us with about 170 pounds of meat that has my freezer well stocked. For our first go we just bought a conventional breed and raised him in the corral and barn. He was never on the pasture, mostly because the Hubs was still working on the fencing. It wasn't our ideal, but it was a good first experience.
The new pigs are a heritage breed called Red Wattle. We chose this breed because they are supposed to be pretty good foragers and because we found someone who had them within driving distance. You'd be surprised how difficult it can sometimes be to find heritage breed animals! B< are growing like champs. They went on the pasture this week and after a couple of days of nervously pacing by the barn they've really settled in. They love digging around for roots and will come running to the fence when called, in hopes of getting a treat. They follow us into the barn at night easily, when they get fed a ration of grain. We're still waiting to see how much they tear up the pasture, but so far it seems to be going really well. Yes, they root, but no, they don't destroy. We're hoping it will continue to be a positive move.
I love learning new skills and watching my kids do the same.
Bug won a beekeeping scholarship this year and in April the bees came to the Heap. It's been super exciting to watch and everything is going fantastically so far. She checks the hive at least once a week, looking for eggs and larva, which show that the queen is still in the hive and doing her job and that the other bees are doing their jobs, raising more bees. God willing, we'll be able to harvest some honey this fall. We've all had a great time going to the bee keeping association's meetings and learning all about this new venture.
I love watching the Hubs work on a project. He is seriously the best. He's so diligent and careful and everything he takes on ends up being more than we hoped for. Right now he's working on a tree house for the kids. It's a project he really felt needed to happen now, before they get any older and won't enjoy it anymore. They're helping him build it and they are so excited.
I love knowing tomorrow's a new day and I can just keep trying to get it all figured out. I'm realizing that this whole homesteading thing is a marathon, not a sprint, and I'm going to have to pace myself. I'm reassessing some of the ideals we came out here with and working out which ones are truly non-negotiable and which ones can be discarded. I can't do everything. I can't even do 1/2 of everything, so I'm going to have to choose what really matters. That's hard for me, but heaven knows I'm strong enough to do it, so I will.......after another nap.