House of Horrors

I think I mostly do a decent job of keeping it positive around here. I really do love our life and the Heapstead and really, who wants to hear me complain about a life I've chosen? But, if we're being completely honest, there are some things about the Heap that seriously give me the heebie jeebies. So, today, I get a little more real with you and share the top horrors I deal with every day.

The saggy ceiling:

There is a section of the ceiling- right over MY seat at the table- that sags dangerously. It totally creeps me out. I'm just sure that any day now it's going to collapse and that collapse will most certainly happen while I'm sitting at the table. When I let my imagination go, I'm also pretty sure that when it does cave it's going to spill goo and slime all over me, sort of like those Nickelodeon dare shows I used to watch as a kid...only this goo will have dead mice and other disgusting things in it. I will never recover from the trauma and need to be institutionalized.

The laughter of beasts:

photo from wdfw.wa.gov

As the sun goes down they start. Seriously, they sound like they are just beyond where the light from the porch light reaches and they are having a convention about how they will tear me to bits if I'm ever stupid enough to walk out of the light. And then I look over and realize that, shoot, I forgot to close the door to the nursery coop....which, of course, is out of the light. There's nothing quite so fun as trying to act cool,  kids watching, while your heart is pounding and you just know tonight is the night the coyotes are going to get you. Creepy, I tell you.

Ugly couch:

Ugly couch is a relatively new addition to the Heap and truthfully, I'm thrilled to have a full size couch again. We've only had a love seat since we moved out here and it was uncomfortable and way too small. But, the fact that I am so happy to have Ugly couch sort of freaks me out a bit. Once upon a time, I was known as a stylish gal, one who kept a lovely home. I think my evolution is a good thing and I know learning contentment and  to live simply are serious improvements to my character, but every now and then, I do look around and think, "What in the world has happened to me?!" And, sometimes, in my weakest moments, I mourn the loss of who I was- not the selfish, self-absorbed part, but the rest.

The grossest floor:

All the floors in the Heap are gross, but the bathroom takes the cake. I have to seriously go to my happy place when I look at this floor because if I let myself think about what's been on it, well, I'll never go in there again. We do keep rugs in there and I can sort of leap from rug to rug, but every now and then I accidentally miss the rug and then I entertain the idea of soaking my feet in bleach. I've read before that kids who grow up on farms are often healthier because they are exposed to so many things and it really strengthens their immune system. If this is true, my kids must have some rockin immune systems because who knows what they're exposed to when they walk on this floor....Eww.

Thankfully it's a good life with a few horrors sprinkled in instead of the other way around. It's amazing what sort of things we can learn to live with when we are surrounded by love and joy. Gross floors and laughing beasts aside, that's what the Heap is for us...our family. And it's good, really good.

Tonia